The hardest part of a free evening is deciding what to do with it. You’re both tired and waiting for the other to pick something until it is too late to start anything. Evenings lost that way add up over the years.
What you need
A jar. A big mug or a shoebox does the same job
Four sheets of paper
Two pens
The plan
Sit at the kitchen table, across from each other, with the jar in the middle. Keep one phone on the table for these steps.
Take two sheets of paper each. Fold each sheet in half three times, then tear along the folds. That is eight slips a sheet and sixteen each. The sixteenth is a spare.
Each of you is going to write fifteen things you would want to do together at home on a night with nothing planned. Five that take under half an hour. Five that cost nothing. Five you have not done in more than a year.
Write one per slip, without showing each other. Make each one specific enough to start without a discussion: "Cards at the kitchen table" goes in, "do something fun" does not.
When you both have fifteen, each of you picks your three favorites and reads them out loud. Then fold all thirty in half and drop them in the jar. The other twenty-four stay a surprise.
The rule from here: the next night neither of you has anything planned, one of you draws a slip and that is the plan. One redraw, then it is settled. Put the jar on the kitchen counter and sit back down at the table for the questions.
The conversation
One. Which of the three I read out did you not see coming?
Two. Which of the six we read out do you want to do first? What would it take to do it this week?
Three. What did you almost write down and then leave off? What stopped you?
Add this date to your calendar
It lands on Wednesday night. Move it to whichever night works, then invite your partner so it is on both calendars.
Know a couple who can never decide what to do with a night off? Forward this to them.